Best Of…January

•January 24, 2010 • Leave a Comment

In an effort to try and keep track of some posts that get the most feedback, before they get lost in a mediocre post wasteland, each month I’m going to do a poll so some favorites can be identified and then placed in a “best of” category.  I know having a “best of” category after a month of blogging seams down right pretentious and silly…but I’m willing to live with such accusations in exchange for making things easier in the long run.  I’m nothing if not a practical egomaniac.

The Revenge of Double B…

•January 24, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’m sitting upstairs on my bed right now…all my windows and doors open….trying hard not to breath in too much smoke.  Just when I thought I got the hang of this whole fire thing…Double B hits me with surprise blow below the belt.  I was under the impression that I could have my fireplace insert fan on full blast and there would not be a problem…I was wrong…and now my house is filled with smoke.  Sometimes, I think I can hear Double B laughing in the background…he hates me…probably because I keep setting him on fire.  


Arson, after all, is an artificial crime…A large number of houses deserve to be burnt.
– H. G. Wells

All The Colors Seem To Fade To Gray…

•January 23, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’m in a mood tonight…it’s 2:30am and I’m feeling out of sorts, out of place, and out of time.  Listening to sad music and thinking about the life I should be living, which looks nothing like the life I’m actually living.  I think about the roads I have taken and the choices I have made…were they the right roads to take…or the right choices to make?  Will I every really know?  I don’t feel like this very often anymore…but sometimes it sneaks up on me.  I remember many years ago I felt a similar sense of detachment…to my friends, to my family, to my life.  In an effort to have some sort of outlet for those feelings…I wrote the following:       

Seasons change…people change. As I start to see things how they really are, the light around me some how begins to dim. All the colors seem to fade to gray and the song that was always playing in my head I can no longer hear. Now there is only a strange haunting silence reminding me of the way things used to be.

All the days seem to run together as I constantly cater to other peoples needs. More often then not, I can’t seem remember what it is I am waking up for.  Is this all we have to look forward to? Is this all there really is? If so, then I feel cheated, I feel lied to.  Life should be more then this half hearted attempt at living…and I fear there is no one for me to blame but myself for the emptiness that surrounds me.

Why is it I see a different picture then everyone else?  Why is it the clearer the picture becomes…the closer I step to insanity?

I think I was “in a mood” for about three months straight when I wrote that.  Again, I don’t feel like this very often anymore…but tonight I do.  So I’m going to continue to sip my drink, listen to sad music and let this trip take me where ever it wants to go.  I know it will pass…but for now I’m captive to emotions and thoughts beyond my control…I’m just along for the sad and lonely ride.

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
His heart withers if it does not answer another heart.
His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”
– Pearl S. Buck

Secret Crush….#1

•January 21, 2010 • Leave a Comment

When I was younger, my mom would often watch talk shows and day time soup operas while I was home from school during summer vacation or spring break (don’t even get me started on how much I know about The Day’s of Our Lives story lines from the mid 80’s…it’s a lot).  Some of her favorite talk shows were Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera, and the totally awesome, because he yelled at everyone and got in fights on his show, Morton Downey Jr.  So as I got older, I was kind of in tune to the goings on in the television talk show world. 

Then, in September of 1993, the 18th year of my life, I saw her.  I was flipping channels one day after school and there she was…no doubt saying something important and profound…but I was not paying attention…I just thought she was beautiful and the best thing to happen to television talk shows since Geraldo got hit in the face with a chair.  And thus…my secrect crush on Ricki Lake began.

I struggled with the crush at first…not really sure if it was socially acceptable for me to fall for a slightly over weight day time talk show host while I was still in high school.  After a month or so, I would try to bring her up casually with my friends… to feel out their responses.  One day, on our way to a soccer game in Vancouver, I asked my team mates if any of them had seen any good new tv shows lately…partiularly in the “afternoon talk show” verity.  The blank stares and questions about my sexuality were not encurraging…so my love for Ricki remained a secret between me and my television set for many months to come.

As time went on, my love for Ricki started to fade…it had to really.  It was hard to continually make up excuses to stay home from soccer practice or avoid hanging out with my girlfriend after school….so I had to let her go. I would occasionally watch tv with my girlfriend after class and while flipping channels come across her show… pausing just long enough for my girlfriend to ask why I stopped on a talk show with a dorky girl who was talking about “cheating husbands the women who love them”…I didn’t have an answer for her, so I gave one last longing look and then moved on.  I didn’t know how to tell her that I was having an emotional, albeit one sided, affair with talk show host Ricki Lake.  Once again, my love for Ricki remained hidden.

Back in October 2004, I saw her again on Celebrity Poker Showdown.  It’s hard to express the joy I felt when I saw her playing poker with other B and C list celebreties…other then to say, we were reunited…and it felt so good.  She looked fantastic…I mean, I thought she always looked fantastic…but I was blown away.  It was like running into an ex girlfriend who YOU always thought was hot…but now really was hot.  It was a magical half hour…and I will never forget it.  I tried to share the excitment of our reunion with my roommate at the time…but his comment of “wasn’t she that fat talk show host a while back” prevented me from expanding further on my feelings of lost Ricki Lake love. 

Here we are, January 21st 2010 and I’m flipping channels looking for something to watch…and who do I happen to see playing Doug Heffernen’s sister, the chunky high school gym teacher, on an old episode of King of Queens? None other then my girl Ricki Lake!   Once again we have been reunited, only this time, I’m letting it all out.  That’s right world, I love Ricki Lake…and I don’t care what my old soccer teammates, my ex-girlfriend from high school, or my jerk roommate from back in the day thinks.  From September 1993 to January 2010… Ricki Lake is all different kinds of awesome…and I love her.  Ricki Lake…secret crush no more!  

“My goal in life was to be loved and adored by everyone.”

 – Ricki Lake

The Evils of Gas Station Security Monitors! – Most Embarrassing Moments…#2

•January 20, 2010 • 2 Comments

Not long ago, I had an unfortunate experience in a local gas station on my way to work.  Normally I don’t stop at gas stations by my house because my neighborhood is kind of ghetto…and by “kind of ghetto” I mean “for the love of god, don’t stop the car here” ghetto.  I just don’t want to end up on the 5 o’clock news because I was at a ghetto gas station getting jacked by a crack head with an itchy trigger finger…so I usually go to a nicer part of town to take care of my petroleum needs.  As I was quite low on gas that morning, I thought one time could not hurt and pulled into the “Quick-E-Shop” to fill up.

As I walked in I noticed the clerk digging around the cash register and talking to an older gentleman he called “Willy” who was pouring himself some coffee.  I figure my “crack head” exposure was limited at this point so I walked up to the counter.  “I would like $40 on pump 3 please” I said nicely as I handed over my cash.  Just then, I looked up and saw a security camera and monitor recording and displaying our interaction…suddenly I put my hand on the back of my head and yelled out ”Holy Shit” at a surprisingly loud volume. 

The clerk behind the counter stepped back with a wide eyed look on his face and Willy, startled, spilled coffee on his hand and cursed as he looked at me angrily.  The clerk, no doubt thinking things were about to get serious, hesitantly asked me what was wrong.  Not knowing what to say that could possibly justify my outburst, I went with the cold hard truth of what had just smacked me in the face a few seconds earlier.  In reply, I again looked up at the monitor and said…“my bald spot is coming in quite nicely” then walked out in silence. 

As I was filling up my car, I wondered if my bald spot was a new development or something that had been happening for quite some time and I was just in complete and utter denial about it.  I knew I was losing my hair but never really noticed an actual “bald spot” before…it was shocking…and the jolt to my heart probably took 5 years off my life.  As I was about to get in my car, wondering how on earth I would be able to continue to live my carefree life with a bald spot on my head, Willy walked out side, looked me dead in the eye, then started laughing out loud as he made his way to the side walk and then down the street to his destination.  Willy is going to enjoy telling the story about a crack head who came into a gas station and freaked out about his bald spot.  You are welcome for that Willy. 

Since then, it’s been a strict “non ghetto” gas station policy for me.  I’m only filling up in nice neighborhoods with up standing gas stations that don’t require clearly visible security monitors that customers can see.  Back to the happy state of denial I go.  On a side note…getting old sucks.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough. 
– Larry David

I Am NOT The Fire Starter…

•January 18, 2010 • 3 Comments

So before I get into this, I should point out that I was never in the boy scouts…AND I’m the product of a single mother home.  So I didn’t learn how to do all the really cool crap that most boys learn when they are young…like setting stuff on fire.

There I was…sitting in front of my just installed majestic fireplace insert.  I had 5 logs of seasoned wood (I had just learned what “seasoned” meant that very morning), a copy of Saturdays Seattle Times, a little round fire starter thing that came with the insert, and a whole box of those heavy duty matches…yes sir, I was ready.  What I thought would be a relatively simple endeavor turned into a hard fought battle between me and the insert (which I have since named and will hence forth refer to as “Blaze Burnham” or “Double B” for short).  Indeed…it was a battle of will, a battle of intellect, and a battle for the ages…it was also a battle that I would lose.

My first step was to read the instructions on the little fire starter thing that the manufactures of Double B were nice enough to include.  For step 1 it said “set fire starter thing in the middle of the insert”…so I did, with no problems what so ever.  Next it said “set fire starter thing on fire”…so I did that too, once again with complete success.  Then it said “wait until fire starter thing is completely engulfed with flames then apply dry wood”.  So, I wait until the fire starter thing is completely covered in flame as instructed and then put on a couple of logs.  I sat for 10 minutes…waiting for a wave of comforting heat to wash over me.  Sadly, that wave of comforting heat never came.  As I watched the fire starter thing slowly burn away to nothing…with no fire or even a little smoke from the wood to show for it, I realized something had gone awry and this would not be as easy as I had first thought.

I was not deterred by the fire starter thing failing to start my fire…even though that was the very reason for its existence.  I considered this incident to be a minor set back to what would ultimately be a functional and heat producing relationship between Double B and myself.  Pressing on, I placed several pieces of crumpled paper in circle and then set the wood in a tipi like shape in the middle.  Setting several pieces of paper on fire, I was soon, and once again, puzzled as I watched the paper burn away to nothing…yet still producing no fire from the wood.  Regardless of how much paper I would put in, I was not getting my fire!  

By this time I was starting to take Double B’s rejection personally.  I hear stories all the time about people starting forest fires by flicking their cigarettes willy nilly into trees… and I can’t even get a single flame with dry wood, a full Saturday paper, a box of matches, AND a stupid fire starter thing!  Well…there was no way I was going to let Double B get the best of me…so, after swearing like a trucker about to drive off a cliff while getting a collect call from his ex wife, I headed over to Safeway and purchased a handy Duraflame log.  I had used Duraflame logs in the past and was confident in my ability to set that bad boy a flame.  Sure enough my experience came through for me and 5 minutes later I had fire! 

Feeling very manly and sure of myself, I proceed to load 4 additional pieces of regular wood onto the burning Duraflame log and look smugly at Double B as I bask in the sweet glow of victory.  A moment later, I proudly head upstairs to use the facilities.  While doing my business, I suddenly hear my smoke alarm go off and frantically head downstairs.  As I button my pants and try desperately to NOT repeat the tragic events of the great zipper accident of 92, I see smoke coming from my living room.  After opening windows and my front and back door, taking out my smoke alarm battery, and pouring a pitcher of water on the smoke producing but not all that burnt logs, I make myself a drink and set down…exhausted and resigned to the ass kicking I have received.  Raising my glass in the direction of my opponent, I say…”well played Double B, well played”.  His only response was to stare back at me in a cold, mocking silence.  Victory was his…and he knew it.         

Later that night, as I lay in bed, cold and deflated, I read the instructions on how to use Double B for the first time.  Apparently, according to section 7a, there is a small vent that needs to be “open” in order to properly and effectively start a fire.  Included in section 7a was a nice picture…clearly showing the vents location and what it looks like in the open position.  It’s become clear to me now why my friends never put me in charge of anything or give me any real responsibility of any kind. 

90% of the story above is true…and this is why I need to get married.  I need a wife who will prevent me from doing stupid things such as setting my house on fire and accidently killing myself before my 36th birthday.  Double B and I will have round 2 of our battle tomorrow night…only this time, I’m coming armed with knowledge…and lighter fluid!  There is no way anything can go wrong when lighter fluid is involved…right?  That reminds me…I should probably put the battery back in my smoke alarm.

“Only you can prevent forest fires”

– Smokey The Bear

Best Music Video of 2009?

•January 15, 2010 • 1 Comment

Not to long ago, a friend of mine informed me that her new favorite song was “Life In Technicolor ii” by the band Coldplay.  I’m not a huge fan of Coldplay but she was pretty adamant about it so I promised I would check it out.  

Boy howdy am I glad I did!  I like the song…the sweeping melodies they use are catchy and fun to sing along with.  I would like the song a little more if the lyrics were better, but I will take what I can get.  What really made the experience outstanding was the video.  It is all different kinds of awesome…and it keeps getting more and more all different kinds of awesome as the video goes on.  It’s low budget…but at the same time ridiculously over the top.  It’s captivating and entertaining, but most of all it’s just a lot of fun. 

It starts off kind of slow…but stay with it…it’s worth it in the end.

“I couldn’t possibly write a hit record when I’ve got a beer belly, so we’re just trying to write as many songs as possible before that D-Day, or B-Day it should be – for Belly Day.”

– Chris Martin

I Am A Rock God…

•January 13, 2010 • 1 Comment

…on the medium level of guitar on Rock Band 2!  Now before you say…’medium level…what a wuss’…hear me out.  First, I only have a 57 inch flat screen tv…so it’s really hard to see when I’m supposed to hit the notes. The screen only takes up half the wall for christ’s sake…it would be way easier to see if the screen took up the whole wall.  Second, I get off track while doing super sweet guitar moves while I play…I do the cool leg kick that Angus Young from AC/DC does…and jump up on my table and sofa during guitar solos…it’s really quite awesome…and distracting. And it’s not just distracting for me…but for others playing as well…I know because they have told me…repeatedly.  Whatever…they are just jealous because they can’t wail on the guitar like I can.

I should also point out that I am now able to play several venues in city’s all across the United States…and I have thousands of fans that come to my shows….and they all look the same…no matter where I play.  See…total rockstar!  My friends keep trying to point out that I can’t really play guitar and that it’s just a game…but I just let their negativity roll right off me…do you think CC Deville of Poison got anywhere by listening to haters….I don’t think so!  I keep offering people my autograph for $10 a pop but no one has taken me up on it yet – clearly these people are not a part of my quickly growing fan base.  They will come around though when I master “Any Way You Want It” by Journey (my best is 94%)!

Silly…I know…but I still rule on the medium level on guitar.

“Rock ‘n’ roll will never die. There’ll always be some arrogant little brat who wants to make music with a guitar.”

Dave Edmunds

Reality Television Sucks My Will To Live

•January 11, 2010 • 1 Comment

Back in 2000, there was not much “reality” on tv – “The Real World” and “Road Rules” were pretty much the cream of the crop at the time.  Then, like a bad case of jock itch that you just didn’t see coming, Survivor hits the airwaves and TV programming would be forever changed.  Survivor, much to my chagrin, was a huge ratings hit; everyone was talking about it and everyone wanted to be on it.  Meanwhile, I was left behind…stuck with a decade of my favorite TV shows being shit canned so America could watch more “What Ho Wants To Marry A Complete Jackass Stranger On National TV “.   

Now, 10 years later, we have every kind of reality TV show we could ever want – “The Real Housewives of Orange County”…which seems to be about the wives of rich men spending a bunch of money and making asses of themselves.  “My Super Sweet 16″…which seems to be about the daughters of rich men spending a bunch of money on their 16th birthdays, and making asses of themselves.  “Extreme Makeover” were they take supposed ugly people and make them pretty…and “I Get That A Lot”…were they take supposed pretty people and make them ugly.  In the mean time, outstanding shows like Studio 60, Pushing Daisies, and Wonderfalls get treated like second class TV…and because I’m not a reality TV fan… I get treated like a second class TV viewer.

Well network TV execs…to you I say this – I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!  That’s right…no longer will I sit around and watch the pointless garbage you try and force down…oh wait…”Lost” is coming back in February…damn…I can’t miss that.  Oh, and “How I Met Your Mother” is still on…so I will need to continue to watch that as well.  Ok, other then those two shows, you network execs can kiss my sorry ass…I will not be treated like…oh hold on…I just started getting into “Criminal Minds”…it’s like CSI only they focus on WHY the crazy wacked out people commit crimes instead of HOW…it’s pretty awesome.  And while I’m at it, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelpha may be the funniest show on TV. 

Ok fine…you’ve got me trapped in your web of lies and addicting TV deceit.  Sometimes I think you create good TV shows just bait and switch me…get me hooked to your network by airing a couple of episodes Firefly…then pull it off the air without warning and play the season premier of American Idol for the 4th time….bastards. 

I will still watch TV…but I will do so in silent protest…just waiting for the day you no longer broadcast TV shows I have even a remote interest in viewing… then I will have my revenge.  Oh yes, I will cancel my cable subscription and turn to books and the internet for all my entertainment needs…it will be glorious.  Just you wait and see…you will rue the day you messed with me.  Until then, I’m so stoked for “Lost” to come back I can hardly stand it! 

I’m still not going to watch reality TV though…you network execs can lick my balls on that.

“Eskimos are uncivilised because they don’t have any shops”

Jodie Marsh, Celebrity Big Brother

The Smiths! (…where have you been all my life…)

•January 10, 2010 • 1 Comment

500 Days of Summer – it was, without question, my favorite movie of 2009.  Sweet and heartbreaking…I identifed with it on levels I was not prepared for.  There are many aspects of the film I could wax ecstatic on, the outstanding performances of the two leads, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, or how the directors fantastic use of color and shade made each scene all the more powerful.  But, at this moment, I’m feeling compelled to share my introduction to a whole new world of music.  A world I knew was out there…but never actively participated in…until 500 Days of Summer opened me up to it.  And what new world of music am I speaking of?  Well…that world is The Smiths!

I remember hearing “How Soon is Now” several times back in the day – at bars, parties, or on the radio…and each time I would ask who ever was standing closest to me “who is this?” and they would look at me with a knowing smile and reply, “The Smiths”.  I would always think to myself  ‘I need to check them out’…but I never did. 

How I made it through my youth without being exposed to The Smiths I will never know…but thank god I did…because I would have been even more of a miserable, emotional train wreck then I already was.  In my younger years I loved being depressed…I thought it made me feel “alive”.  It was the classic ‘I would rather feel pain then nothing at all’ sort of thing.  The more heartbreaking the song, book, movie, breakup, or unrequited love, the better…and the worse I felt about something, the more meaningful that something was.  The Smiths put many of my thoughts and feelings at the time to music…I was just not aware of it.  Instead I was using Radio Head, Depeche Mode, Pink Floyd, and Toad The Wet Sprocket to supply the background music of my life.     

Now, at the age of 35, The Smiths are just coming into my life.  Over the past two weeks, my iTunes collection of songs that make me want to throw myself off the nearest highrise has grown considerably.  Aside from “how soon is now”, the three tracks getting the most play are “Girlfriend in a Coma”, “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want”, and “There is a Light That Never Goes Out”.  I love the melancholy lyrics by Morrissey and the excellent and never overpowering support of Johnny Marr’s guitar.  Now, when I want to take a stroll down memory lane to all the doomed relationships and the depressing experiences of my past, I just select The Smith’s playlist…and away I go.

So thank you writers and director of 500 Days of Summer…for making an outstanding film I will no doubt have memorized before 2010 is through…and for helping me find some excellent additions to the soundtrack of my thoroughly, and completely self inflected, depressed youth. 

“So, for once in my life, let me get what I want…lord knows it would be the first time”


If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right – Guilty Pleasures…#1

•January 7, 2010 • 1 Comment

This is a conversation I had with a friend of mine back in March of last year:

Friend: ”I went to a concert last night”…

Me: “Oh yeah, who did you see?”

Friend: ”Lady Gaga”

Me: ”Who the hell is Lady Gaga?”

Ah yes…those were simpler times.  10 months ago I was living in a world free of Cartmen’s rendition of “Poker Face” or having the song “Paparazzi” playing on repeat in the ipod that is my mind for 3 days straight.  I also would have missed out on the manhood killing incident of singing “Just Dance” at the top of my lungs while driving home from work as a car full of punk teenage dudes slowly passed me in the car pool lane.  They weren’t even laughing…just looking…wide eyed and slack jawed…like I was some kind of freak.    

I hated myself for secretly liking her.  Telling my friends how it tore me up inside to despise and love someone so much (much the same way I feel about Sarah Palin but that is for another day).  I was ashamed, embarrassed, and terrified to leave my house for fear of yelling out to strangers on the street “I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you cause I’m bluffin, with my muffin, I’m not lying I’m just stunnin with my love glue gunning”.  I have no idea what the hell she is saying there…but it’s brilliant…and I must have more of it.

You have won me over Lady Gaga…I’m a fan of your wacked out stage shows and simplistic yet incredibly catchy lyrics.  I don’t know who you are or what you stand for…but your utter crap pop songs are so damn addicting and fun to sing…and for that, I love you.

“Guilty pleasures are an  important aspect of life…things that make you smile and want to kill yourself at the same time help you figure out who you really are”
– Auther Unknown

Corey Needs To Go On A Diet – Most Embarrassing Moments…#1

•January 5, 2010 • 1 Comment

I think this e-mail I sent to the entire floor of my office building explains it all…

Hello All,

In case any of you were wondering what that big bang sound was…it was my exercise ball popping and me hitting the floor.  The only thing injured was my pride as I did the walk of shame over to the garbage can to toss the remains.  Sorry for the disruption or if it startled anyone.

And now…I need to find a new chair…

I had to go to HR and fill out an accident report…good times.

“Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.”
~Author Unknown

My Cover Letter For The Open Buffalo Bills Head Coach Position

•January 3, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Buffalo Bills – NFL Franchise                                                                                                                

To Whom It May Concern:

Back on November 18th 2009, you fired head coach Dick Jauron after a 3-6 start.  As of today, January 3rd 2010, you have yet to fill the open head coach position in your organization.  After considerable analysis and soul searching on my part (hours and hours of watching NFL games on TV) it occurred to me that I may have found a solution to your head coaching needs….me.  I know on the surface this would seem like a very unorthodox move on your part, what with me not having any NFL coaching experience what so ever.  However, I believe looking at some eye opening facts will convince you that hiring me as your head coach makes a lot of sense. 

Let’s start with the current job market.  It’s true other teams in the NFL will be looking for a new head coach, but most other teams actually care about winning…while you do not.  Time after time, your organization has demonstrated a desire to avoid winning and keep your team in a hopeless state of chaos and despair.  Other coaching candidates will no doubt try to bring order and a “winning attitude” to your organization, where as I’m guaranteed to bring the chaos and despair you value so highly to a whole new level.  My friends won’t even let me pick where we go to dinner, just think of the shenanigans I could get into if I were responsible for making decisions for a whole football franchise. 

Now lets talk money.  Most coaches in the NFL demand salaries up in the millions or tens of millions of dollars.  I’m prepared to offer you my less then exceptional services for a mere $100,000 a year and an endless supply of peanut butter M&M’s (please note – the money is negotiable, the peanut butter M&M’s are not).  With me, you get a continued high level of suck that you demand of your head coaches….only for millions of dollars less then my competition.  Hiring me doesn’t seem so crazy now does it?

Still not sold?  Lets take a look at some other factors that should help persuade you:      

  • 6 years of managing my fantasy football team with bad draft choices and waver wire moves that amount to a whole lot of suck  
  • I get dominated while playing my “NFL Fever 2002” XBOX game…on the “easy” level
  • I’m likely to say some REALLY stupid things in press conferences, which would provide the team much free publicity (remember, any publicity is good publicity)

I believe no other candidate fits the open Buffalo Bills head coach position quite like me.  In fact, my track record of sucking at everything football, and you being able to procure my services on the cheap, is exactly what you are looking for.  If I don’t hear from you in the next several days, I will be forced to adjust my cover letter slightly and offer my coaching services to the Oakland Raiders.  The Raiders organization may actually hate winning more then you…but my fear of being shot prompted me to seek my fortunes with you first.

I will have my cell phone with me at all times in expectation of your call and look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your consideration,


A Long December…

•December 31, 2009 • 1 Comment

In the way off Broadway play that is my life, it’s too soon to say how 2009 will stack up to the other years of note.  In the chronological telling of my story, 1999 was the high water mark of my young adult life.  Living in Portland, I was young and full of passion.  I had a girlfriend I adored very much, but was far too young to appreciate or understand.  I had my whole life ahead of me…consumed by dreams big enough to be considered dreams, but small enough to hold on too…with hopes of them one day coming true. 

Then, in 2000, came the inevitable fall.  In moving to Seattle, my wings were clipped with the reality that life is sometimes unforgiving…and does not, in fact, revolve around me.  2004 was another year of triumph, followed by 2005, a colossal year of failure.  It’s funny how the bad years always seem to follow the good.  I’m sure there is a lesson to be learned from that…if only I ever cared enough to take the time to learn it.      

But 2009… this was a year of taking chances and opening myself up to new things.  Pursuing new employment opportunities, not driven by greed or necessity, but because the challenge of seeing what I was made of professionally appealed to me. Exploring my threshold for risk and pushing the envelop in ways I had never done before.  I also opened my heart to love because a smile from a pretty girl I hardly knew made me feel something I had not felt in a long time…the desire to share.    

2009 was a year of the past transitioning to the future, and the present transitioning to the past.  Some ghosts that have followed me for years have come back to life…and though somewhat confusing at first, my heart tells me it’s a good thing…ghosts are always far less scary when they tell you they are sorry…and you believe them.  New ghosts and I have just begun what will no doubt be a long relationship of haunted dreams, thoughts about roads not taken, and memories brought back by songs playing on the radio…

New Years is almost here…and as start my yearly tradition of listening to “A Long December” by the Counting Crows as I get ready for the evenings festivities, I realize that I will look back on 2009 with a sense of regret, comfort, and optimism.  Regret in that I wish I had handled endeavors of the heart differently.  Comfort in the fact that I pursued real endeavors of the heart in the first place.  And optimism for the future because 2010 is just hours away…and once again, I find myself consumed by dreams…dreams big enough to be considered dreams, but small enough to hold on too…with hopes of them one day coming true.

“..and there is reason to believe…maybe this year will be better then the last”.

Adam Duritz