Secret Crush….#1
When I was younger, my mom would often watch talk shows and day time soup operas while I was home from school during summer vacation or spring break (don’t even get me started on how much I know about The Day’s of Our Lives story lines from the mid 80’s…it’s a lot). Some of her favorite talk shows were Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera, and the totally awesome, because he yelled at everyone and got in fights on his show, Morton Downey Jr. So as I got older, I was kind of in tune to the goings on in the television talk show world.
Then, in September of 1993, the 18th year of my life, I saw her. I was flipping channels one day after school and there she was…no doubt saying something important and profound…but I was not paying attention…I just thought she was beautiful and the best thing to happen to television talk shows since Geraldo got hit in the face with a chair. And thus…my secrect crush on Ricki Lake began.
I struggled with the crush at first…not really sure if it was socially acceptable for me to fall for a slightly over weight day time talk show host while I was still in high school. After a month or so, I would try to bring her up casually with my friends… to feel out their responses. One day, on our way to a soccer game in Vancouver, I asked my team mates if any of them had seen any good new tv shows lately…partiularly in the “afternoon talk show” verity. The blank stares and questions about my sexuality were not encurraging…so my love for Ricki remained a secret between me and my television set for many months to come.
As time went on, my love for Ricki started to fade…it had to really. It was hard to continually make up excuses to stay home from soccer practice or avoid hanging out with my girlfriend after school….so I had to let her go. I would occasionally watch tv with my girlfriend after class and while flipping channels come across her show… pausing just long enough for my girlfriend to ask why I stopped on a talk show with a dorky girl who was talking about “cheating husbands the women who love them”…I didn’t have an answer for her, so I gave one last longing look and then moved on. I didn’t know how to tell her that I was having an emotional, albeit one sided, affair with talk show host Ricki Lake. Once again, my love for Ricki remained hidden.
Back in October 2004, I saw her again on Celebrity Poker Showdown. It’s hard to express the joy I felt when I saw her playing poker with other B and C list celebreties…other then to say, we were reunited…and it felt so good. She looked fantastic…I mean, I thought she always looked fantastic…but I was blown away. It was like running into an ex girlfriend who YOU always thought was hot…but now really was hot. It was a magical half hour…and I will never forget it. I tried to share the excitment of our reunion with my roommate at the time…but his comment of “wasn’t she that fat talk show host a while back” prevented me from expanding further on my feelings of lost Ricki Lake love.
Here we are, January 21st 2010 and I’m flipping channels looking for something to watch…and who do I happen to see playing Doug Heffernen’s sister, the chunky high school gym teacher, on an old episode of King of Queens? None other then my girl Ricki Lake! Once again we have been reunited, only this time, I’m letting it all out. That’s right world, I love Ricki Lake…and I don’t care what my old soccer teammates, my ex-girlfriend from high school, or my jerk roommate from back in the day thinks. From September 1993 to January 2010… Ricki Lake is all different kinds of awesome…and I love her. Ricki Lake…secret crush no more!
“My goal in life was to be loved and adored by everyone.”
– Ricki Lake
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