A Long December…

In the way off Broadway play that is my life, it’s too soon to say how 2009 will stack up to the other years of note.  In the chronological telling of my story, 1999 was the high water mark of my young adult life.  Living in Portland, I was young and full of passion.  I had a girlfriend I adored very much, but was far too young to appreciate or understand.  I had my whole life ahead of me…consumed by dreams big enough to be considered dreams, but small enough to hold on too…with hopes of them one day coming true. 

Then, in 2000, came the inevitable fall.  In moving to Seattle, my wings were clipped with the reality that life is sometimes unforgiving…and does not, in fact, revolve around me.  2004 was another year of triumph, followed by 2005, a colossal year of failure.  It’s funny how the bad years always seem to follow the good.  I’m sure there is a lesson to be learned from that…if only I ever cared enough to take the time to learn it.      

But 2009… this was a year of taking chances and opening myself up to new things.  Pursuing new employment opportunities, not driven by greed or necessity, but because the challenge of seeing what I was made of professionally appealed to me. Exploring my threshold for risk and pushing the envelop in ways I had never done before.  I also opened my heart to love because a smile from a pretty girl I hardly knew made me feel something I had not felt in a long time…the desire to share.    

2009 was a year of the past transitioning to the future, and the present transitioning to the past.  Some ghosts that have followed me for years have come back to life…and though somewhat confusing at first, my heart tells me it’s a good thing…ghosts are always far less scary when they tell you they are sorry…and you believe them.  New ghosts and I have just begun what will no doubt be a long relationship of haunted dreams, thoughts about roads not taken, and memories brought back by songs playing on the radio…

New Years is almost here…and as start my yearly tradition of listening to “A Long December” by the Counting Crows as I get ready for the evenings festivities, I realize that I will look back on 2009 with a sense of regret, comfort, and optimism.  Regret in that I wish I had handled endeavors of the heart differently.  Comfort in the fact that I pursued real endeavors of the heart in the first place.  And optimism for the future because 2010 is just hours away…and once again, I find myself consumed by dreams…dreams big enough to be considered dreams, but small enough to hold on too…with hopes of them one day coming true.

“..and there is reason to believe…maybe this year will be better then the last”.

Adam Duritz

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~ by coreysays on December 31, 2009.

One Response to “A Long December…”

  1. Beautifully written. And that’s all I have to say about that.

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